LIST OF POSTS

List of posts

February 19, 2023 Practice your craft, forget about winning

It’s easy to get caught up in the idea of winning, to focus on the end goal and forget about the journey that leads us there. But today, I want to remind you that the journey itself is just as important, if not more important, than the destination.

Practice is what makes us great. It’s what allows us to hone our skills and refine our craft. When we practice, we learn, we grow, and we improve. We become better versions of ourselves, and that is something that no trophy or accolade can ever replace. Winning happens in months or years, practice happens today, every day, so by focusing and enjoying the practice, you live in the moment, you are present today, you get to enjoy what you have today and appreciate it for what it is.

Society wants us to be the best, to come out on top, to be recognized for our achievements today. Society gets easily bored when we practice, when we fail and when we spend time honing our skills.

I remember when I onboarded on a journey to go for a second bachelor’s degree in a field that I knew nothing about but wanted to learn everything about. I followed what society told me about degree completions and wanted to get done with the degree in the next four years. The first two years were the most miserable times for me. I had great expectations, I wanted to be able to take 16 college credits each semester just like everyone else. In hindsight, I was insane. I had two toddlers at home, I was a full-time employee, and I had a house and bills to pay. Why on earth, I thought I could do this?

Simple, I was only focused on winning, the type that society dictates to us, I was missing the point entirely. When we miss the point, we risk losing sight of the fact that the real prize is the sense of fulfillment and accomplishment that comes from putting in the work that we enjoy, that we are passionate about and seeing the results. Unfortunately, many of us fail pray of society’s version of winning and as a result, we give up before we accomplish anything. Because society wants us to succeed yesterday, we feel like a failure when we are taking too long to master any craft and we jump to the next big thing with a hope to do that better and we get stuck in that vicious circle. We compare what the next person has accomplish and we call ourselves failure. What we forget is that we were not privy to that person’s circumstances. So, as you may have guess, I quit school midway and gave up because it was too difficult.

Society definition of wins are set by different standards from your reality. So, today I urge you to forget about winning as society defines it. Focus instead on the process, on the day-to-day work that will ultimately lead you to where you want to be. Practice your craft, embrace the challenges and the setbacks, and keep your eyes on the prize of personal growth and development.

The following steps are what works for me, not what society dictates, not what others think I should call success, but my own. I quit school and was away for two semesters. During this time, I read and one of the books that I stumbled upon was the “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” by Stephen Covey. After I read this book, I questioned all my unhappy moments, I started to look closely at my goals. I went back to the drawing board as the saying goes. I realized that my passion was correct, that is what I wanted to do, but my timeline was wrong. I was setting myself a timeline that society set for me.

The first step is to write down your goals and associate a clear and realistic timeline to each one. Writing down your goals not only helps you to remember them, but it also gives you a clear roadmap to follow. Make sure your goals are specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-bound (SMART). This will help you stay on track and avoid getting distracted by other things. Please notice how I say “YOUR” goal. Not the one you set out to do because of what society tricked you to believe you wanted to accomplish. If you have one set already, please revisit it and ensure to remove any society’s bias out of it.

How would you know if your goal has society bias, all you need to get the answer is to watch how you feel when you think of that goal. Does it excite you? Does the thought of it coming to life put a big smile on your face, then that is your goal or call it passion.

Once you are sure that you have found that thing, visualize it first and imagine it becoming reality. Visualization is a powerful tool that can help you stay focused. Visualize yourself achieving your goals and experiencing the joy and satisfaction that comes with it. Nothing like a visualization game to get yourself going. Visualizing everything becoming reality gives you boost, and makes you wants to get there as fast as you can.

In the world of athletics, we often hear about athletes who rise to the top through consistent practice and commitment to their craft. For example, Michael Jordan, widely regarded as one of the greatest basketball players of all time, was known for his relentless work ethic and dedication to practice. Despite his immense natural talent, he famously said, “I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and repeatedly in my life and that is why I succeed.” I’m sure society was quick to forget about his many failures because that is not what it wanted. To Michael, these failures were learning moments about how to be better at the one thing that he is passionate about.

The third step is to hold yourself accountable. This means that you should reward yourself for each small accomplishment and hold yourself accountable for any pitfall. Celebrate your successes, no matter how small they are, and learn from your failures. This will help you stay motivated and avoid getting discouraged when things don’t go as planned. My personal motivation on this matter is Thomas Edison famous saying that goes, “I didn’t fail, I found 10,000 ways not to make a light bulb”. I keep this quote close to my heart to remind myself to give myself a chance to fail. Not trying is not an option. I can fail multiple times and learn how not to do something, but not trying because I’m afraid to fail is no longer something I partake in. When I fall short however, because of my carelessness of because I was negligent, this I must acknowledge and take responsibility.

The fourth step is to put trust and uplifting into yourself. Believe in your abilities and trust that you can achieve your goals. Surround yourself with people who support and uplift you and avoid those who bring you down. This will help you stay positive and motivated, even in the face of challenges and setbacks.

Lastly, never underestimate yourself. Believe that you have the skills, knowledge, and abilities to achieve your goals. Don’t let fear or self-doubt hold you back. Instead, use them as fuel to push yourself to do better and achieve more.

I had the best years of my re-school years after implementing these steps. I opened, and I stopped worrying so much about the degree or diploma itself. I enjoyed learning from my classmates and teachers, who taught me to listen to them for more than just their lectures. I inquired about their approach to teaching. In a different way, I connected with my classmates and teachers. For me, school was no longer about getting a degree. I’m glad I did because when I graduated, we had no commencement. If I had waited for the degree, I would have been miserable, but because I stopped focusing on the degree and instead enjoyed the process, I had the best time of my life.

Finally, let me tell you that allowing society to define success for you will only lead to an endless unhappy life because once you achieve the success that society desired, it will leave you empty, and you will need to move on to the next thing that society desired.

Find your true passion, write down your goals, visualize them becoming a reality, hold yourself accountable, believe in yourself, and never underestimate your abilities.

 

—

5–7 minutes

As a parent, have you ever wondered if having each child come with a how-to use manual would have been nice?

If you are a parent, I bet you have wondered with the wish of a child’s manual before. I have asked multiple times if I could get a manual attached to each of my kids. A handy manual that can assist me in handling each of my children’s situations and inform me on how to help each of them every time. A manual that would tell me the perfect things to say or do for every situation they find themselves facing.  

Parenthood is a journey filled with joys, challenges, and countless surprises. From the moment a child enters our lives, we embark on a path of growth, learning, and unconditional love. Yet, despite the countless resources available to us, there’s one thing every parent wishes for: a manual. A guidebook to navigate the complexities of raising a child, providing us with all the answers we seek. But regrettably, children don’t come with a manual, leaving us to navigate the beautiful chaos of parenthood on our own.

As parents, we often find ourselves facing uncertainties, second-guessing our decisions, and wondering if we’re doing enough. It’s natural to crave certainty and guidance in such a monumental role, but the truth is, there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting. Each child is unique, each family dynamic is different, and what works for one may not work for another, making it even harder to try and replicate another parent’s style, advice, or successful strategies because the strategies, although perfect for that parent, may not work for your family. One thing that most parents share for sure is second-guessing themselves and sometimes having a little guilt about whether they are doing enough or making all the right decisions. The truth is that we would make many mistakes along the way.

It gets even more interesting if you have children who are entirely different in character and behaviors like mine. Most families have kids who are completely different in behavior, and a strategy that the same parents have used for one of their children would not work for the other child because each child comes with their own little personality, their own little journey, and experiences. As a parent, you are the same person catering to different individuals. Each interaction requires parents to change their strategies and adapt them to the situation. All of these context-switching can become overwhelming, leaving parents uncertain of the best strategy to follow.

However, amidst the uncertainties, there is hope. Hope that, as parents, we are equipped with all the tools that you need. You have the love, dedication, and resilience needed to tackle any challenge that comes our way. There will be many mistakes and mix-ups along the way, but there is hope that each day presents an opportunity to learn and grow alongside our children, embracing the journey with grace and humility.

Remember, the journey is not just the parents but the child’s, too. We are to go through the journey together. Each child has its way. Regardless of whether we are a child or a parent, we all go through each life’s circumstances, experiencing them through our own experiences and frames of reference. For instance, you and I may participate in the same theater play, but at the end of the scene, I could feel extremely sad because of something that was presented, and you may feel joy or even entertainment. For the same event, people who participated would all have completely different feelings about the same event due to their own life experiences or frames of reference through which we process and see things.

The example is a testament to how different we all are in life. Although we live through the same circumstances, we all experience the same events and circumstances in a completely different light. In a way, it is fascinating to know how different we are from each other, and the difference is the beauty of life. It is the beauty of parenting and of children living under the same roof with the same parents. Be mindful of your frame of reference and gracefully allow your child to process things in his own way and just be there with love, acceptance, dedication, and resilience. 

While we may not have a manual to follow, we can take comfort in knowing that we are doing our best with the tools we have at our disposal. Every decision made, every sacrifice, and every moment of doubt is a testament to our unwavering commitment to our children’s well-being.

It’s important to remind ourselves that perfection is an illusion and mistakes are inevitable. But it’s how we respond to those mistakes that truly matters. Instead of dwelling on what we could have done differently, we must focus on the present moment and the lessons it brings.

As we navigate the ups and downs of parenthood, let us operate with the hope that our efforts are not in vain. That in hindsight, we will look back with pride, knowing that we gave our all and prepared our children for the journey ahead.

I often look at my childhood in hindsight, and I recall growing up, there was a lot my parents did that I didn’t understand at the moment, some decisions that I even despised them for. However, in hindsight, I love them for each chance they took to offer me all the opportunities they could with what they had. Although it was not all perfect, I know they did all they could with their complete love for me.

Today, I enjoy watching the elderly pass by with their grandchildren. At many sports events of children’s activities, I watch grandparents show up with their grandkids and sometimes be accompanied by their children, who are now parents. You will occasionally catch a soft smile on the grandparent’s faces. I trust that the soft smile is their reviewing all their decisions through their growing journey alongside their child’s growth and thinking for themselves. I tried my best. Although my child is not perfect now, I gave my child all I had to offer, and they will provide all that she or he has to my grandchildren, and they will be happy. And the circle continues.

So, to every parent out there, remember that you are enough, your love is enough, and you are making a difference in your child’s life daily. Embrace the journey, cherish the moments, and believe that you are doing your best, one day at a time. After all, there’s no greater gift we can give our children than the reassurance that they are loved, supported, and cherished beyond measure.

—

6–9 minutes

Someone asked me how to focus on the present and not the past.

The simple answer is that one must always focus on the present to fully appreciate one life experience since the past has passed, and there is nothing we can do to change it. The future is unknown; therefore, we cannot miss out on the present while trying to reach the unknown future. We can only learn from the past and draw insights from the past.

However, the past can be a powerful tool if we know how to harness its power. We can use the past for lessons learned and not repeat past mistakes. We can reference the past to learn what worked and what did not and adapt or adjust accordingly.

We can also leverage the past to remind ourselves of our WHYs in the face of adversity or prosperity. Remembering our WHY can help us push forward when setbacks happen because we cannot forget what we once promised ourselves. In times of prosperity, we can use the past to remember who we once were and acknowledge that we rise from the shoulders of giants before us and use this to pay it forward. In case of mistreatment, we can utilize the past to remember how it feels to be treated poorly and vouch never to treat someone as we were treated.

In our journey through life, the past often serves as a beacon, guiding our present actions and shaping our future endeavors if we can leverage the past to our advantage and acknowledge that past mistakes do not define us. While the best way to live is to focus on the here and now, understanding the power of the past and learning from it can be instrumental in achieving success in various domains. From artificial intelligence (AI) and sports to business and customer service, the past holds valuable lessons that someone can harness for growth and improvement.

In the modern era of technology, the power of the past is most evident in the field of artificial intelligence. Machine learning algorithms, a subset of AI, rely heavily on past data to make predictions and decisions. These algorithms can identify patterns, trends, and correlations that humans may overlook by analyzing historical data points. One prime example is the use of past data to train AI models for predictive analytics in financial markets, healthcare diagnostics, and weather forecasting. By learning from past data, these models can make almost accurate predictions and optimize outcomes in real time, ultimately driving efficiency and innovation in our modern lives.

The sport world also provides a compelling illustration of how past data and information were leveraged to enhance performance. Athletes and sports teams meticulously analyze past games, opponents’ strategies, and individual performance metrics to identify strengths, weaknesses, and areas for improvement for their teams. For instance, in soccer and football, teams utilize past match data and player statistics to develop game strategies, assess opponents’ tactics, and optimize player positioning on the field. By harnessing the power of past data, athletes and teams gained a competitive edge, refined their skills, and achieved peak performance.

Beyond technology and sports, businesses are increasingly tapping into the wealth of past customer behaviors and data to enhance their services and offerings. Amazon, Facebook, and many other e-commerce companies analyze past purchase history, browsing patterns, and customer feedback to personalize recommendations, optimize pricing strategies, and improve overall customer experience. For example, streaming platforms like Netflix leverage past viewing preferences and engagement data to suggest tailored content recommendations to users, enhancing user satisfaction and retention.

I’m sure when you turn on Netflix these days, it feels like the platform has read your mind and knows exactly what you need. Don’t be too surprised because you informed Netflix what you most likely would like with your past behavior.

Similarly, e-commerce giants like Amazon utilize past purchase history and browsing behavior to deliver personalized product recommendations, streamline the shopping experience, and drive sales. Each time you purchase something from Amazon and return to the site, the next suggestion may most likely be something related to what you purchased recently, and chances are that you would seriously consider buying the suggested item. By leveraging your past behaviors and data, Amazon can better understand your preferences, anticipate your needs, and deliver value-added services, ultimately fostering your loyalty and driving business growth.

I’m saying that the past holds a wealth of valuable insights and lessons that we can harness for success in various domains. Whether in artificial intelligence, sports, or business, leveraging past data, information, and behaviors can drive innovation, optimize performance, and enhance overall outcomes. By embracing the power of our past and learning from it, individuals and organizations can unlock new opportunities, overcome challenges, and chart a path toward sustainable success in an ever-evolving world.

While the past offers valuable insights and lessons, it’s important to recognize that not all aspects of our personal history are conducive to growth and success. In some instances, looking back on the past can bring feelings of inadequacy or resentment, particularly when revisiting past failures, rejections, or hurtful comments from others. In such cases, it’s crucial to discern between past experiences that serve as valuable learning opportunities and those that hinder our progress.

When faced with negative experiences from the past that weigh us down or diminish our self-worth, it’s worthwhile to consider leaving them behind unless we can transform them into fuel for achieving great things. Instead of dwelling on such past mistakes or setbacks, we should focus on the present moment and the future ahead. This isn’t about denying or ignoring past struggles but rather about reframing them in a way that empowers us to move forward.

Both Serena Williams and Coco Gauff thanked their doubters. These two extraordinary ladies have openly acknowledged the motivation they drew from doubters and critics throughout their careers, using their skepticism as fuel to drive both Serena and Coco to tremendous success on the tennis court.

If you faced criticism or rejection in the past, feel free to use those experiences as motivation to prove your doubters wrong and strive for excellence in your endeavors. By channeling the negativity from past encounters into a driving force for personal growth and success, you can transcend any limitations put on you previously and achieve extraordinary accomplishments.

This principle also holds true in the context of artificial intelligence and machine learning. While AI models learn from past data to make predictions and decisions, they do not dwell on past mistakes or shortcomings. Instead, they continuously adapt and improve based on new information and experiences. Similarly, athletes understand that dwelling on past losses or missed opportunities serves no purpose unless they use those experiences to fuel their determination and drive for future success.

Likewise, companies must learn from past failures or negative feedback to refine their strategies and improve their offerings in business and customer service. Look at the case of Amazon with the Fire Phone, which was a complete failure. According to the New York Times, Jeff Bezos told Ian Freed, the key leader in the development of the Fire Phone, “You can’t, for one minute, feel bad about the Fire Phone. Promise me you won’t lose a minute of sleep“.

Bezos later also stated that Amazon used the lesson from the Fire Phone’s failure to build Alexa and letter Amazon Echo, which are the best value profit added to the company currently.

However, they also recognize the importance of leaving behind outdated practices or approaches that no longer serve their objectives. By embracing a forward-thinking mindset and leveraging past experiences as a springboard for innovation and growth, businesses like Amazon can stay agile and resilient in an ever-changing market landscape.

While the past can be a powerful teacher and source of inspiration, it’s essential to discern which aspects of our history are worth carrying forward and which ones are best left behind. By using past experiences as fuel to propel us toward greatness and letting go of the burdens that hold us back, we can embrace a brighter future filled with limitless possibilities and opportunities for success.

However, whenever a look back in the past means that we are reminded how less than deserving we are or recall how we were treated, which makes us doubt ourselves, please don’t look back to that past. Keep your eyes on the road in front of you.

Keep your focus on continuing to move forward and never look back. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.

 

Kindness

—

3–5 minutes

My week has been one of the most interesting yet.

I learned this week that one of my husband’s friends lost all three of her children in a house fire. At work, they announced that one of our co-workers had passed.

In all this turmoil, I had the opportunity to participate in one of Mr. Chris Gardner’s speeches titled, Permission to Dream.

Mr. Gardner shared how we are to try to be “World class” in everything we touch, along with many more wisdom words. The world-class wisdom brought me to tears as I recall my mother often saying that one is not only supposed to do great when his boss is around but to give one’s best when the boss is not looking and to seek to be the best in everything one touches. These values guided my life. Hence, I struggle when people advise us to remember that work is work and family is the only thing that matters.

I’m sure many of you can relate as we are constantly reminded to spend more time with family and that family is the most essential thing that one can have, and yet we spend most of our life at work regardless. How are we to reconcile the two? How are we to care less or to value one less?

I realize that we shouldn’t separate the two. Family is where our happiness starts, and work is where our happiness and fulfillment are completed. We can do both, and we must do both. The way to accomplish both, in my view, is simply to be present and to be at peace.

I heard that if you ever met President Bill Clinton, he made you feel like you were the only person in the room. He dedicated his full attention to you for the short few minutes of interaction before moving to the next person, leaving you joyful and empowered. President Clinton’s behavior toward others is the key. All we need to do to be successful at being the best at work and with friends and family is to be present, nothing else. Just be present in the moment, in that instance, giving all our attention in that moment. That is all we need. When we dedicate our full attention to each interaction and each moment, we are more efficient and can effectively contribute and live in peace with ourselves.

How we live at peace with ourselves is to leave every interaction with the conviction that we’ve tried our best to leave the other party a little better than we found them. We’ve tried our best to impact the other party positively regardless of how small our action, interaction, or communication was.

To live in peace is to embrace a line of work where it is easy to be ourselves and do our best without compromising our core values. At work or with entrepreneurship endeavors, we can then handle our customers with care and with the deepest belief that we will strive to give our best to them daily.

With our family, children, or friends, this means that we will value and handle each interaction with care. We will be fully present and commit our time to them when we are with them. If we can’t impact positively at any given time, we will keep quiet, say thanks, or say sorry. These two words can save a lot of lives. Thanks, or Sorry!

Mr. Gardner struck another critical point. He stated that not only time is our most valuable asset, but it is also the one thing that no one knows how much of it anyone has left before we depart Earth. We do not know how much of it the person in front of us has. As a result, each interaction deserves our total commitment and attention, so when we leave the exchange, we will be at peace regardless of tomorrow.

It is also worth noting that one of Mr. Gardner’s windows reminded us that we were never here for ourselves. Our lives were always about our neighbors, the person sitting next to us on a bus, our children, and others.

The military understood that either we arrived at the finish line together or no one made it.

Regardless of how much we seek to believe that we made it ourselves, we can only fool ourselves for a short time. Deep down, we know how many people pave the way for us.

My takeaway is that if we can stop and focus a little less on our small self, then we will see the world in front of us and truly value and embrace the true mission, which is to make the person next to us’ live a little better, a little brighter. Even Tomorrow is looking up us to be a slightly better version of ourselves today, so it can be a little brighter the next day. BE AWESOME!


Consistency, resiliency

—

5–8 minutes

In the chaotic whirlwind of life, it is often said that luck favors the prepared. Being prepared saves us valuable time and presents us with unique opportunities that others might overlook. Whether it’s in our personal or professional endeavors, cultivating a habit of preparedness can make a significant difference in our lives. When I was younger, I remember my mother commenting on people complaining about bad luck. She will say things like, “You don’t have bad luck. You are just notoriously unprepared.” I’ve always wondered why she would mostly say that to people going through some difficult situations.

Now that I’m older to see the world for what it is and entails, her words are starting to come together and make sense. I realize that she couldn’t have been more right. What she meant was for people not to wait for a perfect opportunity to work toward an opportunity, but for people to visualize possibilities and work toward meeting the opportunities as if it was always meant for them.

One specific thing that annoyed my mother at the time was how young folks would complain and be frustrated at our pollical situation at the time and use the fact that the government didn’t provide jobs, financial support, or a good economic environment to thrive, to drop out of school or refuse to test for certifications or professional development. These young individuals would ask themselves, what was the point of doing anything, going to school, or taking any professional development courses, only to be out of a job and miserable? After having been around these sorts of comments for a while, I started formulating my own and expressing frustration similar to everyone else’s. 

My comments made my mother livid. She made me understand that I was never allowed to make such a comment in her presence. Never again in her lifetime, she repeated to me. In her own way, she ensured that it was clear to me that she was not joking. She continued and told me that she didn’t care how much the jobs were lacking, how badly our economic situation was, and that I only had one job and one job. And that job was to make sure that I acquired all that I needed to obtain the ideal job that I would have had in a perfect economic situation.

Then she went on and asked what job I wished to have in that ideal booming economy. I told her that I wanted to become an accountant, then she wondered what would be required to become an accountant. I explained the degree’s requirements and the exams one must pass and get certified. Then she told me to go on and start with a plan to get these degrees and the certification I mentioned. At the moment, I wanted to scream from the top of my lungs, what for? You know, I would never get such a job even if I had the degree but I remembering what had just happened to me early with such a comment, so I kept quiet and nodded yes.

Boy, was she right? As she had asked, I continued my education even though I thought it was a waste of time. Yet I continued out of fear of repercussions from my mom. One year before I graduated my undergrad school, my country, which had not hired public servants in more than thirty years due to a lack of budget and international financial support, launched a large recruitment campaign for public servants. Although this campaign was politically motivated because the country was apparently looking to show its good faith to some international investors, guess who benefited from this unique opportunity? You guess right. Ever since I was offered a job that I never dreamed of having, I stopped talking about any learning being a waste of time and just learned. Ever since, I have enjoyed learning just about anything because I remember that, as my mother would say, I never know when that specific skill will become handy and highly in demand.

You probably heard stories of someone who prepared for something their entire life and one day the universe conspired to delivery to them that one thing that they wanted so badly. For me, I’ve heard the flip side of such stories and as Om Swami would put it, a gift can quickly become a curse to the unprepared and to the prepared, it would be a blessing.

This story is to tell you that you cannot ever give up because of your current situation. Continue investing in yourself. You never know when or how a skill of yours will be needed, you just have to be ready.

Time is one of our most precious resources, and being prepared allows us to use it efficiently. When we plan ahead and organize around our wishes and wants, we can get closer to our goals more effectively. You can even start with something as small as creating a to-do list for short-term and long-term goals and keep track of these goals. Adjust the goals according to your life situation but be honest with yourself. Don’t downgrade any plan because of an “it is too hard” excuse. Remember to prioritize tasks as prioritizing and preparedness ensure that we allocate our time wisely and avoid the trap of procrastination.

Life is full of uncertainties and unexpected challenges. However, those who are prepared are better equipped to face and overcome these hurdles. By anticipating potential roadblocks, we can formulate contingency plans around possible drawbacks and remain calm in the face of adversity. When we are prepared, we are better flexible to situations that life would throw at us and this adaptability is a valuable skill that allows us to maintain focus on our goals and prevents us from getting derailed by unexpected setbacks as everybody else.

Additionally, preparedness breeds confidence. When we are well-prepared for a situation or task, we are more assured of our abilities, which, in turn, helps us perform better. Being prepared gives us the self-assurance needed to excel, whether it is at work, an exam, or a social event. Additionally, the more prepared we are, the more knowledgeable and competent we become, making us stand out in our chosen endeavors.

Furthermore, it is uncanny that opportunities often come disguised as challenges or fleeting moments. Those who are prepared quickly recognize and seize these opportunities as what it is, while others might panic. Preparedness gives us the agility to act promptly when a chance presents itself, increasing the likelihood of success in our personal and professional lives.

In the competitive landscape of today’s world, preparedness gives us a significant edge. Employers, friends, and colleagues admire individuals who are prepared for life situations. This sets us apart from the rest and positions us as reliable and capable individuals, increasing our chances of success and advancement in our careers and life’s goals.

Being prepared in life is a powerful tool that can save us time and open doors to opportunities that others may miss. By embracing time efficiency, navigating challenges easily, building confidence and competence, seizing opportunities, fostering positive relationships, and gaining a competitive edge, we can make the most out of our lives.

Preparedness is not just a trait but a mindset that requires discipline and dedication. It empowers us to face life’s uncertainties with a sense of assurance and readiness. So, let us make a conscious effort to prioritize preparedness in our lives and watch as it propels us toward achieving our dreams and aspirations while positively impacting those around us. Remember, success favors the prepared mind.


Consistency

—

5–8 minutes

Many of us spend our life or journey on earth running around, frustrated that most of our actions bear no fruit. We stretch ourselves thin and try and try, and yet we are often left empty and frustrated.

Meanwhile, next to us are people who seem to have made it out of thin air. This observation leaves us to wonder what we are missing. Are these people any different? If yes, how different? What do they know that we don’t? What can we do differently to be more like these successful people?

I spent most of my life wondering about this phenomenon since I lived it firsthand. My parents both came from a scarce background. My dad spent his childhood without a father or a mother. He moved from foster homes to foster homes. My mom, on the other hand, lost her father at age seven and spent her childhood as drop out of school and moving with her mother and her six siblings from one uncle’s or auntie’s house to the other.

Fast forward about sixty years later, my mother is left with no money saved or a retirement account except for her children as a safe harbor. My dad, on the other hand, became a self-sustain successful entrepreneur. He has enough money saved to survive without needing anyone’s financial support. He lives his life freely and doesn’t rely on any of his children to pay his bills.

This disparity of how two people could live in the same house, having come from similar backgrounds, and yet turn out entirely on an opposite spectrum of life has left me very confused for most of my childhood and adolescence. I watched my parents and wondered how people from similar chaotic backgrounds could turn out so differently and almost polar opposites of each other.

Upon profound observation, I noted that my dad is soft-spoken and easy-going. Most people enjoy his company. On the other hand, my mother spends her life working very hard. I have never seen anyone work as hard as my mother. From what I recall, she will be the last to go to bed and be the first to wake up to attend to her business. She barely eats or visits the doctor for any aches or pain. My dad worked his regular office hours, attended activities with us when he could, and spent time reading and watching the news and reading books. I don’t recall my dad visiting the doctors as often either, but I recall a few instances when he visited for minor concerns.

Today, my father travels and counsels people when they seek his advice. His children would have to schedule a time to talk with him or have him visit them. He is one of the happiest eighty-year-old that I know. Each time I speak with him, he always has funny or profound wisdom to share and mostly leaves me to wonder if I understood what he meant to communicate.

As I studied my parents closely, I noticed the significant difference in how each approaches life, its problems or challenges, and the people they interact with. I notice that my dad does not hold anything in. He is swift to let go of any harm or any offense anyone does against him. He speaks his mind often with little regard for what others think of him. I can tell that my dad clearly doesn’t focus on what people think of him because sometimes he will act wildly and leave people very confused, and often people will even gossip about him not too far from him. He will hear them and yet ignore to make any comment or even acknowledge people’s concerns with him. Soon after, the same people will be back to him for advice, and my dad would just genuinely advise them as if he didn’t hear them saying all the prejudiced comments about him. As a child, I thought my dad was selfish because he set rules for himself and never let anyone change his mind. He will assist people when asked, only if he can. He didn’t go out of his way to do anything. He didn’t jump through roofs to help people or to please anyone.

My mom, on the other hand, will spend hours helping people. Her family mostly comes to her for assistance, and she tries very hard to save and help everyone. She disregarded her health to support others. Today, my mom has many health issues. Most people that she helped don’t even bother to check on her. If anything, they still reach out to ask for more, and when she informs them that she does not have any money to support them, they get frustrated because they feel that she is still loaded with money and yet chooses not to help them. They should have realized that what my mom did was work hard on her business, earn the money to assist them without investing, and run out of money later. With the passing years, she ran out of stamina to continue her business, and with not enough strength to continue her business, she ran out of energy, and the money followed soon after.

My takeaway is that we need to sharpen our saw and put the most important things first before attending to the least important things, so the little things don’t take too much in the balance, as Stephen Covey stated in his book, the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.

If you live your life like my mom, you will run out of time and energy, and, at the end of the day, you will have nothing left to give to the world. However, when you live like my dad, not that I’m saying he is perfect, you will always have just the correct amount of reverse energy left to sustain the need of others continually.

My advice is that you need to have your principal and understand what you can control and leave things outside of your control alone. If you seek to fix everything, you will run yourself to the ground. Take care of yourself because if you are not in good health, you cannot help anyone. Know your lane. Understand that yesterday is gone, and you can do nothing about it other than learn what it taught you and move forward. Tomorrow is a mystery, and you have yet to learn what it holds or if you will even see it, as denoted in the movie Kung Fu Panda. Refrain from trying to sustain your breath or your life. Sustaining your life is God’s job. Stop wondering where your food will come from, as this is also God’s job. Stop worrying about what people will think or say about you. What people think is the people’s job. Just focus on today, enjoy the current moment and the people around you, and count your blessings. Stay committed and consistent with your endeavors.

My dad understood early on that not everyone would like him or be happy with his actions, and he made peace with that. My mom spent her life trying to make everyone happy, and, in the end, no one cared.

Remember that the only person you owe anything to is you and no one else.


Immigrants, language barrier, resiliency

—

7–11 minutes

People usually reach out to me and ask about how to adapt to the United States after having migrated from various countries. Often, the people who reached out to me come from various backgrounds. Some are well-educated and majored in various fields of expertise areas from their country of origin. Others started college or other undergraduate curricula before migrating from their countries to the U.S.

I’ve always enjoyed sharing my stories, lessons learned, pitfalls, and things I wished I’d known before moving from my country of origin to the U.S.; upon arrival to the U.S.; in my first-year journey; five years later, and so forth. Throughout the years of mentoring and helping people find their voice, and their own path, helping them cope, and managing expectations of their own, I compiled a list of frequent concerns and some amazing discoveries that I have noted.

If you are reading this and have some concerns or challenges, I hope this brings value to you and that you get something from the lessons learned and take something away from my experience. Happy reading. If you find value, feel free to pass this along to someone who may also benefit.

Over the years, since I started volunteering and sharing my stories of how I came from a non-English speaking country with a Bachelor of Science in Human resources and had to start over in college and earn another bachelor’s in cyber security and was fortunate to be working with some of the most impressive minds in the world, people had reached out to me. They asked how they should proceed with their dreams. Should they go to school and start over?

Should they get married? Should they launch a business? If yes, which one? I usually said there is no wrong solution to these questions and recommend the following.

For the non-English speakers, meaning if you came from a country where English is not your first language, nor your native language, but you obtained a higher education degree like a bachelor’s or you graduated with a specific field of study from your country of origin before you migrated to the United States. Give yourself time to learn and grasp your surroundings. For most people, this time means a minimum of five years.

On the road to these five years, you need to keep your eyes open, watch and learn. During this time, you allow yourself many mistakes as if you were a child.

These five years require that you remain patient and kind to yourself.

You mustn’t just copy anyone’s practice or approach. Remember that everyone has different use cases, backgrounds, coping mechanisms, support systems, plans, and dreams. Therefore, you need to find what makes sense to you.

Remember that you have skills, but you may lack the confidence to express these competencies fully.

 I learned that we call skills any ability or expertise that we learned or acquired in school or through specific training, practice, and experience to perform a specific task or activity effectively and efficiently.

A skill can be acquired in various domains, such as intellectual, physical, social, or creative areas, enabling individuals to solve problems, achieve goals, and produce desired outcomes. Skills can range from simple and basic tasks to complex and specialized abilities, often requiring a combination of cognitive, motor, and interpersonal capabilities.

Having learned what skills are, I hope you understand why we immigrants have skills but lack confidence when we leave our area of comfort. Our home countries are where we feel at home and know our surroundings, the culture, and what to expect of any of our contributions.

Although we are skilled, when we try to contribute these skills to society abroad, we sometimes fail to connect with the culture in place and feel discouraged and incompetent. And when we feel incompetent, we are quick to judge ourselves, and we can feel easily overwhelmed because we lack confidence. Without confidence, we quickly feel the urge to give up. Let me encourage you not to give up.

Instead, select a path matching your skills and commit to it for the next five years. Relentless is essential here because there will be days when you will be discouraged and looking forward to quitting, but you have to keep hold and continue to move forward.

First, you need to identify your area of skill. What are you good at? What comes to you naturally and feels like a burden to everybody else around you?

Identifying your unique or specific area of excellence helps you narrow your focus. Refrain from stretching yourself thin by following multiple avenues or multiple endeavors. You are one person with limited resources and time. Focus on what you excel at and grow that skill.

Use your resources efficiently and remember that no one is ever successful alone. Anyone with such a claim, please run away from such a person because they cannot be further from the truth. Find your genuine resources and leap from the shoulders of giants.

I want to pause here and acknowledge additional challenges that many of you may face depending on the age group. Some may have families and loved ones that they left behind and can’t wait to reunite with their families. Please be mindful of this family, their needs, and their potential future. We will return to these challenges and possible ways to help later.

Now, you’ve identified that unique skill of yourself and started to put it to work. You find a nice niche area where you can put this skill to the test. Now what? Beware of the abusers. Unfortunately, you will meet people striving to take advantage of your naivety or lack of knowledge of the guest country’s culture.

Please don’t be fooled or be used. Unfortunately, sometimes, the people are also immigrants, just like yourself, who have finally figured out a way out. Instead of becoming good, these people seek to exploit the vulnerability of unaware new immigrants.

For this, what you can do in your first year is to be mindful of these types of people and please educate yourself, don’t be complaisant.

Lastly, beware of false men and women of God who ask you to bring your hard-earned money for God’s miracles. God is a God of sense. Miracles exist, but no one gets their miracles by sitting around. You must work and meet your miracles.

Remember that being kind and being a giver is fantastic, and always seek to bless others at any opportunity you get because there is obviously great joy in giving. There are mostly more gains in giving than receiving, so don’t lose sight of giving. However, only practice a giving that comes from your heart, not a giving that someone forces you or entices you to do. If it is a job, keep your eyes open for too-good-to-be-true promotions or gifts. Especially gives that hide as gifts but are, in fact, abuse and misuse of a person’s talent.

A common thing I’ve noticed with us immigrants is that in the first few years, because we lack confidence, we mainly sell ourselves short and let ourselves be used by bad-intentioned people who seek to take advantage and use us as much as possible. The longer you stay uneducated and blind, the longer these sorts of people can use you. So, please be mindful of promotions that come with no raise. Be mindful of empty titles as well. If you had to take any such title, let it be something that aligns with your skill and things you love and always want to do. Don’t sell yourself away with an empty title, or anything of any matter, if that means you are miserable and will struggle to look at yourself in the mirror.

Keep learning. Knowledge is power. Be like a child always. Always be opened minded and fascinated with things in life. Don’t be foolish or over your head, either.

Forget about the news, social media, or the many news outlets around you. These are just distractions. You can do without all these outlets. What you need is real connections with real people and books.

When among people, listen carefully. When reading, summarize what you’ve learned in one sentence paragraph, remember this sentence, or action, and apply it daily. If there was no action, perhaps you learned what aspect of life you never wish to experience; note this as well. Human beings can’t recall information on demand due to short-term memory, so if you don’t write things down, you will forget and make mistakes you knew about and could have avoided. It is worthwhile writing important things down. Regardless of whether it is a bad or a good experience, please write it down. I write even other people’s bad experiences down and the reason why is so I can never forget not to make the same mistake, or if it was a way someone made me feel through their actions, I write these down as well, so I don’t behave similarly toward another human being.

Now your fifth anniversary is fast approaching. You didn’t even know how you made it this far. However, your consistent learning and adapting were compounding without you taking notice, you will wake up and feel as you just caught a revelation. Let me tell you that there is no revelation. You always had these talents in you, this tenacity and such power and gift in you, but you are just now getting to know the you that you always were and the amazing you within you all along.

You’ve come halfway. The remaining road ahead will be fast-tracked since you have now acquired all you need to succeed.

Now you’ve discovered the power of grit, the power of pushing through, the power of believing in oneself. Congratulations.

Use this power to carry you to the top. Impact the world now that you’ve found yourself. As Sir Robert Baden-Powell would say, leave the world better than you found it.

If any of these recommendations give you any comfort or insight, please know that you have more to know than you realize. Many life’s situations leave us hopeless and powerless, but if we push through, we always emerge stronger than before.


Resiliency

—

6–9 minutes

Have you ever accomplished something or wanted something so badly and worked tirelessly to get there, and soon after the accomplishment, you feel as empty as before, or soon after the big break, you find yourself already looking for the next best thing?

If you answered yes, then welcome to the club. You are not alone. If anything, stop blaming yourself or feeling bad for always looking for something better.

Many psychological studies demonstrated through much research that we are inherently primarily irrational. We constantly seek to improve and mainly seek something other than what we currently have.

Research has shown that the pursuit of happiness or the search to improve oneself or have something better than the current status is excellent. However, it becomes a trap if one cannot set realistic goals for oneself. This pursuit of happiness can quickly become exhorting and send one into a downward spiral. Humans are inherently driven to set new goals and aspire for more. Once they achieve a significant milestone, they may quickly shift their focus to the next challenge or desire. Constantly pursuing new goals can prevent individuals from fully savoring or sustaining their happiness after a particular achievement or reward. Especially since we are all flawed by what psychology refers to as cognitive biases. I’m sure that you heard of this phenomenon before. Some people refer to it as left brain and right brain bias. 

Accordingly, to human psychology, cognitive biases are systematic patterns of deviation from rationality or objective judgment that occur in various cognitive processes. They are an important area of study in psychology and have been widely researched and documented.

I’m sure you heard of the famous confirmation bias. This bias refers to the tendency to search for, interpret, favor, and recall information in a way that confirms one’s preexisting beliefs or hypotheses. An example is how people selectively gather and remember information supporting their existing views while ignoring or downplaying contradictory evidence. The great example that most people provide is how we suddenly start to see more of the car brand that we wish to buy on the road. This particular car brand was always on the road, but we will magically start to see more of them when we think of purchasing one for ourselves. Get it? Yes, don’t go with your gut, as the saying goes. If anything, your gut is probably just confirming what you wanted to believe or what you wanted to hear all along. 

What about our limited frame of reference? Have you noticed how you can only relate to things as they pertain to your own experience? This behavior is what psychology calls the availability of heuristics. We ran most of our thinking through our experience or most recent events. If you judge situations this way, please give yourself space to think more clearly. Broaden your scope. Ask yourself what you still need to learn and how to get more information. Don’t just take your current experience and decide based on experience in your limited repertoire only. Remember that we tend to overestimate the likelihood of events or situations that are easily recalled from memory, often due to their recent occurrence or high emotional impact. One such example is when we mostly think that we are going to love something always, and a few months later, we find out that we feel differently about such things now. Guess what changed? New life experience. Same you, but a new experience.

Have you found yourself saying things like “why is this always happening to me?” and the like sentences? If you start to gather objective data, you may find out that the majority of the population may have a similar problem, that it is more than likely that you are not a unique case, and that many more people in the world experience the same things as you do.

I wish I had known this in my twenties when pushing myself to pursue silly things. Each time, whatever I had accomplished was only good and made me happy for a few days or months. And there I go into the next best thing. This constant pursuit was my everyday lifestyle. It gave me a purpose to go on. It made me feel as if I mattered and that I was doing something good with my life, and that I was not just sitting around not doing much with my life. However, this way of thing leaves one disappointed and feeling less than anything. If you are constantly looking for the next best thing, you miss the opportunity to appreciate what you have or even reward yourself for the hard work that you put into getting what you currently have. This behavior is the downward spiral that I want to bring to your attention. It is okay to want more, but you need to slow down and appreciate and enjoy the process. Remember not to hold back your happiness for the next time you accomplish that one great thing. Instead, live the daily endeavor and enjoy every moment on the route to reach the goal as much as possible. The bottom line is that if you are not having fun working toward the goal you set yourself, then let me tell you that once you accomplish the goal, you will feel just as empty as you once were before you got the so much sought-after goal. 

You need to enjoy the process. You cannot go through life as a motionless robot or as a means to an end.

Whatever you are doing or whatever goal you set, like buying a brand-new house, getting married, getting your dream job, or making the amount of money you always dreamed of and whatever your desire is, enjoy the process to get there instead.

Please ignore yourself when you find yourself saying that you need to push through or that you can make great sacrifices and wishing that out lough and saying to yourself that once you get there, you will be the happiest person on earth and that you will have arrived. Anytime you say, I cannot wait to get this amazing thing or that amazing thing and so forth. Yes, don’t make anything of this noise. Remember that you are a descendant of a sapient and that you will not settle. It is in your DNA to continue moving forward, so instead, be happy daily. Some days you will not be happy, which is also okay. After all, you cannot sustain being happy continuously, either.

Several scientific explanations explain why humans may not remain happy for long after achieving an outstanding accomplishment or receiving a reward. Multiple scientific factors backed this phenomenon. Hedonic adaptation, also known as the hedonic treadmill, is the tendency of humans to quickly return to a relatively stable level of happiness or well-being after experiencing positive or adverse events. The behavior means that no matter how significant the achievement or reward, its initial happiness tends to diminish over time as individuals become accustomed to their new circumstances.

The Hedonic Treadmill was researched by Brickman and Campbell in 1971. This classic study, published in the journal American Psychologist, introduced the concept of the hedonic treadmill. It suggests that individuals have a baseline level of happiness to which they tend to return after positive or negative events, indicating that sustained happiness may be challenging to maintain.

These studies represent a small sample of the extensive research on happiness and well-being. It’s worth noting that individual experiences of happiness and unhappiness are highly subjective and can be influenced by a wide range of factors, including genetics, life circumstances, relationships, and personal attitudes.

However, if you are like most of us, the next time you feel disappointed because of a situation, do not worry too much about it because you will be fine in a little bit. The same is true if you think this friend is the best you ever had or if you feel this is the best time you are having. Remember that you will feel differently very soon. Just sit back and enjoy the moment.


Consistency resiliency

—

3–5 minutes

This week, I want to thank you for keeping me encouraged and energized to write.

I’m saying this because I considered skipping writing this week. I failed a little overwelled over the week as one project that I was tasked with got a rocky start and had things come up that I had not expected.

Since some of us are overachievers, setbacks push us to question our approach and doubt our ability to succeed. We, overachievers, prefer to have everything perfectly done and accomplished. When things don’t go according to plan, we tend to put everything else in question. So, there I was, feeling terrible about things I should have done or planned for, and so forth and so on. I quickly noticed that I was going down a rabbit hole, so I stopped everything and every thought.

I dropped everything and started listening to Effortless, a book by Greg McKeown, one of my favorite authors, as I often do when I hit the brick wall.

In Effortless, McKeown reminded me about the power of simplicity, as he puts it. The steps not taken are the most valuable in every process, project, or task. The above statement means that every step we can remove from what we need to accomplish to simplify our getting to the finished line is worth removing. 

By removing any unnecessary or not value-added step, we bring value by saving time and eliminating complexity since complexity can quickly kill creativity. I’m so grateful for inspiring books like Effortless. I hope you are a book lover like me.

This week, I will keep it short. I will encourage you to start small. Anything you want to do and feel like it was just too much to start, or you don’t even know where to start, just think of the smallest step that can take to get you started, and then start with that small step.

I learned the power of simplicity during the many Agile classes that I’ve taken. I even read the Agile manifesto and went through a few Scaled Agile (SAFe) classes, yet when life got in the way, I quickly reverted to the naturally overwhelmed mode and almost forgot everything I knew. 

If you are unfamiliar with the Agile methodology, please don’t overthink it. Agile is a mindset that advises developers, Information Technology (IT) project managers, and basically anyone with any project in life to keep things small and flowing consistent pace. Agile believes that if we take small complete steps, it is easy to adjust when we make mistakes rather than waiting to complete a major project and finding out at the end that the project or task was a failure. 

For example, if you take the Agile mindset and want to follow it to cook pasta. You would start by first putting the water on the stove. You will taste the water’s salt first before placing the pasta in the boiling water. Then you will add the pasta and monitor it, and then you will start the sauce process separately and monitor that until you can combine the sauce and pasta in the end. If the water is too salty, you will be able to fix this mistake cheaply by dumping the water and getting a fresh one, and starting over.

Have you taken a non-Agile steps to cooking pasta, you will go through the entire process and only taste the end product. Have you tasted the end product and realized that the pasta was too salty, you would have made a very expensive mistake because you would need to start the pasta from start to finish and waste a lot of resources. Agile recommends that we take small, finished steps to enable us to fix mistakes at a low cost. The Agile mindset is wildly adopted by major software companies like Amazon, Google, and Netflix, which encourage their developers to create miniature prototypes of products that can easily be thrown away if defects are found. If you take the Agile mindset, you will take small incremental steps in everything you do.

Therefore, stay encouraged. It is okay to fall from time to time, and it is completely fine to make mistakes or to even doubt yourself because we are all human. We will fall prey to these feelings sometimes. However, don’t let these feelings last and take you down.

My encouragement for you this week is to take small and consistent steps that are easy to take every day so that on the days you feel overwhelmed and swamped, you can still at least take these steps and still keep your promise to yourself.

My promise to myself was at least five hundred words every week. I took this advice from McKeown’s Effortless book. Because I kept this promise very small, it was still easy for me to keep it although my week has been rough. Thank you for keeping with me.

Decision-making process, kindness, society

—

8–13 minutes

Making mistakes is a natural part of life. We all make them, no matter our age or experience level. However, according to the many successful minds and schools of thought, how people handle their mistakes separates successful people from those who struggle. Do they take responsibility for them or shift the blame onto others? Personally, I want to identify and know when I’m making excuses for my mistakes and learn how to stop putting blame.

Many scientific facts demonstrate that it is natural to want to protect our ego and avoid feeling embarrassed or ashamed. However, we know that blaming others prolongs the problem and prevents us from learning from our mistakes. It is essential to recognize that owning our mistakes is a sign of maturity and strength, not weakness. In addition, learning from our mistakes is how we grow and become better versions of ourselves and ultimately contribute better to society.

We all want to mature and take responsibility for our mistakes. I’m even confident that we all know that when we make mistakes, the following steps are how we own them and learn from these mistakes and grow.

We mostly know that we must be honest about our behavior. Sometimes, this will lead us to apologize if we hurt someone.

We learned not to make excuses for our mistakes at a young age. We know to take responsibility for our actions. We learned that taking responsibility can be uncomfortable but is an essential step towards personal growth, owning up to our mistakes and taking steps to rectify them. For example, if you say, “I’m too busy, and that is why I didn’t do a required task,” you can ask yourself if you could have prioritized differently or if you are using busyness as an excuse.

Lastly, I’m sure we all learned not to dwell on the past and that we need to move on, and the way to move on is to find a solution by identifying what you can do better to make things right.

It is all good to know the above steps. I’m sure these steps were the very first things we learned at a young age to help us navigate society. However, as we grew, these simple steps became harder to apply. Nevertheless, I found out through personal experience that most of the time, it is hard to even recognize when we are making excuses and putting blame.

Luckily, there is a growing body of research on the cognitive biases that underlie our tendency to make excuses for our mistakes and why we may not even recognize that we are making excuses. Here are some scientific facts that help explain why it is hard for humans to acknowledge when they are making excuses for their mistakes.

According to scientific discoveries, human beings have a confirmation bias that makes us seek out and interpret information confirming our existing beliefs and attitudes and ignore or discount information that contradicts our beliefs. This is usually said to view the world through one own lens. This behavior can lead to a distorted view of reality, where we only see evidence that supports our excuses and ignore evidence that challenges them. In a nutshell, we go blind when things don’t look familiar. We can even go into panic mode if something tends to challenge our beliefs.

Where I came from, we say that one who has not gone anywhere may think their mother cooks the best dishes. This statement is to say that we all have biases. The sooner we accept that we have biases, the better and ready we will be to accept the world as it is and keep an open mind to things and the people around us.

The above statement is a call to open our eyes and acknowledges that many are the occasion when we can become blind and don’t own up to our mistakes in the first place because we cannot even see them for what they are because of our biases.

Let me give you a silly example. A close friend of mine would not eat shellfish regardless of how appealing it looks. I had made fun of him for a long time before I realized I was making a mistake. My mistake here was that if this friend was not brought up in an area where shellfish were a thing, this does not make him enjoy other food any less.

It gets even worse when we add self-serving biases to these human’s tendency to attribute positive outcomes to our abilities and efforts while attributing negative outcomes to external factors beyond our control. This bias allows us to protect our self-esteem and avoid feelings of failure. The behavior can also make us make excuses for our mistakes rather than accept responsibility for them and learn from others.

I personally refer to this as a depriving pride. Remember the last time you thought you were better than someone because the other person didn’t act like you? This is what I’m talking about. I call this behavior depriving because we miss great opportunities to learn new things and new ways by falling prey to this behavior.

Many of us don’t realize that the world is evolving, that perhaps what we knew yesterday may have changed, and that we need to keep an open mind. Sadly, you may even meet people who claim to be open-minded but propose some idea that goes beyond what they have ever imagined, and they will fight you tooth and nail and try and prove you wrong without ever listening to you. If this happens to you, don’t worry about it. That is their loss. They missed an opportunity to learn something new.

Keep in mind that we humans experience discomfort when our beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors are inconsistent with one another. To reduce this discomfort, we tend to justify our behavior and thoughts to ourselves and others, even if they are not rational or accurate. This behavior makes us make excuses for our mistakes to maintain consistency with our self-image and beliefs.

Anchoring bias makes us rely too heavily on the first piece of information we receive when making judgments or decisions, even if the first piece of information is not accurate or relevant. This bias can lead us to anchor on an excuse or justification for our mistake and resist news or perspectives that challenge our first guess. It is okay to make mistakes if during a first decision-making phase, we were lacking enough information. However, it becomes a critical error when we later learn additional pieces of information but then refuse to take them into consideration because accepting the new information will prove that our previous decision was wrong.

This is where we need to improve. Please learn to recognize and avoid this behavior by baking new information into your lesson-learned machine and using it to make the next decision better. Refrain from disregarding new data because you are too afraid to be wrong today. Accept your current mistake and use this information to do better next time. Remember, there are no actual failures and only learning and improvement opportunities.

We can make matters worse by adding our emotional reasoning to the mix. We often base our beliefs and decisions on our emotions rather than on rational or objective evidence, which can lead us to make excuses for our mistakes based on how we feel rather than on the facts of the situation.

Recall the above example that I gave you of me and my friend. When I realized I was in the wrong, it felt awkward to apologize to him after being wrong for so many years. Of course, I doubled down. I just told myself that it was not worth bringing this up. Now I know, good. I can now stop making fun of him, and all is well. However, I’m sure you correctly guessed that I am still wrong here because I fail into the second trap of self-serving and anchoring biases.

The right thing in this situation was to apologize right when I came to this realization and let my friend let me know that he was fine and understood that I was just not well informed. The correct course of action is always to own up to our mistakes. Then bake the new information into the next decision by leveraging the lesson-learned approach.

The best way to own our mistakes is to apologize sincerely. A sincere apology involves:

  • Acknowledging the harm caused by our actions.
  • Taking responsibility for them.
  • Expressing a commitment to making things right.

When we apologize sincerely, we demonstrate empathy and respect for others, which can go a long way toward repairing damaged relationships.

It is essential to recognize that we have way more biases than we are aware of, especially with the ever-changing world and the fact that the world has become a global village.

Previously, we were all in our little bubbles, and we shared the same biases with most of the people around us. Therefore, it was easy to understand each other. 

In the modern days, we are constantly on the move, crossing borders easily, yet we are still the same person with the same biases. When we cross borders, we don’t magically become a new person. We remain the same person with little knowledge picked up from where we have been.

To combat these biases, I’ve always learned to assume that I don’t know much and have many biases, many of which I may not even be aware of. When I meet a new person, I try my best to listen more, to let them educate me on their ways and beliefs. I take mental notes and cross reference the new information against my own beliefs. If anything does not register, I know to note the item as a possible bias of mine toward this person, so I seek further awareness on that specific subject so I can avoid the pitfall.

I recently learned that some Chinese regions don’t celebrate their 80th birthdays. Instead, these families will celebrate the 79th birthday as if it was the 80th, then skip the 80th and only talk about their age again once they turn 81. In Sought Korea and most East Asia cultures, there is mostly no 4th floor. Mind-blowing right? I learned these families don’t like to say the number 80 because, in some regions in China, 80 is pronounced similarly as the same word “to send a dead person off to their last resting place.” Also, Koreans and most East Asia don’t like to say or even attribute the number 4 to anything because it is pronounced the same way as death. Next time you hand a gift or something with the number 4 to an East Asia person and their face turns red. You know why.

Ultimately, my suggestion to you is to listen more often to the people you meet. If they are mature and have gone through any journey of learning the real world, not just what they teach us in schools, they will, in turn, allow you to tell them about your beliefs. When the individual gives you a turn to share, genuinely share your beliefs with them. However, if the person has yet to go through a level of maturing to seek the opportunity to learn, guess what? You know better to strive to be the adult in the room and know that this person may offend you soon because of these biases that they have but left unchecked and forgive them well in advance before they even alter a word.

Remember that the very definition of maturity is knowing that you don’t know. Accepting that you don’t know and seeking to learn proves that you know more than you take credit for. I’m very proud of you. Continue to be humble, embrace the world like a child, show kindness and gratitude like a master.

Consistency, decision-making process

—

10–15 minutes

Setting life principles for oneself is crucial to living a fulfilling, stressless, and meaningful life. Life principles are the values and beliefs that guide our decision-making, behavior, and interactions with others. By establishing our own principles, we can ensure that we are living in alignment with our values. If you have heard, “This is how we do things around here,” realize that you are experiencing an organization, group culture, or someone’s principle. Keeping in mind that groups and organizations spend time spelling out their objectives and vision or principles, leaves us to note that establishing principles is also of extreme importance for an individual.

How does one set principles for oneself, and where do we start? Let me start by explaining where we should not start. Suppose we follow the teachings of Om Swami and the knowledge that he shared in his book Mind Full to Mindful. In the book, he explains life itself is empty, meaning that we are not to read too much into anything and should practice letting go quickly and often anytime we can. 

When we branch off religious beliefs and turn to science, we also learn, as Lavoisier will put it, that “nothing is lost, nothing is created, everything is transformed.” This is another statement to remind us not to overthink stuff. To remind us that we are passing beings and that we take and give and follow the ordinary course of life whether we like it or not. Therefore, it is beneficial to get on board and go with the flow instead of fighting against it and causing oneself unnecessary grief.

Many of the material things that we fight for and that we jump through hoops to acquire are all in vain. All things transform. Things you know today will change the next day. One day may be all cozy, and the next day will not be so great, and so forth and so on. Now that we learn not to overthink anything, let us explore how to simplifier our existence by setting our principles and living by them.

How does one keep up? How does one keep their sanity and remains sound and peaceful? How does one keep up with the ever-changing world determined to keep going and shaking us as it pleases?

To get to this peace, we can turn to the bible, where God states that we can find peace in him. This statement itself is a metaphor, prompting us to mirror God’s ways. If we follow the many stories shared in the bible, we learn that HE is the God of yesterday, today, and tomorrow. The same statement is true for all religions by the way. Finding peace in God means trying to be more like him, and how we do that is by being consistent, building principles of our own, and remaining within the boundaries of these principles. By staying consistent with what we set forth for ourselves, we can consistently come through to the external world. Regardless of the shape, the world will take the next day because we will remain ourselves, and the world will adapt around us instead of us chasing the many aspects of the changing world.

How we begin setting the principle in the first place is to record and process lots of data. By feeding the brain lots of experience, we can train it to recognize the pattern and become better at serving us with our every life decision-making and better managing our demeanors in the external world.

I understand there is a paradox here because I mentioned having a lot of data to process and sort for analysis and pattern identification. If you are young, you wonder how you will even begin gathering these experiences that were supposed to form you, give you enough analysis for patterns, and help set up your life principles. Please bear with me, and I will elaborate. There is no need to feel disappointed because I stated that you need experience, and yet you have not seen enough or done enough in life to learn from your failures and build a trusted principles’ boxes, which brings me to my next point.

How does one acquire experience? You gain knowledge by going through the situation yourself, by watching others go through a problem and learning from other outcomes or seeking to learn from others not necessarily close to you physically. Other sources can be books or research findings. 

After compiling as much data, either through your own or others’ lessons learned or through research and books, you are ready to start analyzing and comparing the experiences and responses against your beliefs, emotional states, and values. You are better position to select the paths that make you feel good and fussy about yourself. By doing these exercises often, you will create a series of boxes that you can leverage to process the daily life adventures, fortunes, or misfortunes in small incremental batches and allow your thinking and creative brain to serve you better elsewhere.

The following are some steps to help create your principles. After you’ve gathered the necessary experience and lessons learned through either means, you can start by reflecting on what is truly important to you in life. What do you value most? This could include things like honesty, integrity, kindness, or personal growth. List your top values and consider how they can apply to your daily life. Once one of the core values reflects you the most, adopt it and define it further. These core beliefs will become what you will run each life scenario through the next time you face a challenge.

Sometimes it is beneficial to have a goal for oneself. What do you want to achieve? What kind of person do you want to become? Consider both short-term and long-term goals and make sure they align with your values, but goal setting is mostly a challenging area for most people, and it is not necessarily needed for this exercise. If you have a grand life goal, that is good, but if you don’t yet, don’t worry about it. Most people go through life without ever identifying a clear goal, but then they do just fine. However, if you are one with a clear plan of what you wish to contribute to the world, then add this goal to your values.

Next, you want to identify your strengths and weaknesses. I can’t stress this part enough. You must know your weakness and strength. Do this to save yourself time. Knowing your strengths and weaknesses can help you set realistic and achievable life principles. Be honest with yourself about where you excel and where you struggle. Weaknesses and strength exercises will help you set goals and principles that are realistic and achievable. For example, if you know that you are not good at doing math, you will not waste your time on things that require a great deal of math. If you can afford it, you will offload anything in this area to someone who is better at it and work on your strength. You may have heard the theory of buying one’s weakness before. This is a very efficient way to live. Since we cannot have all the time in the world and we cannot excel at everything in life, it is critical that we save time where we can, and how to better save time is to work on improving our strengths and hiring or buying our weaknesses.

If you know your strength and weakness and have gathered enough lessons learned from the world, you are ready to create your life principles based on your values, goals, and personal strengths and weaknesses. You can now create a list of principles that will guide your decision-making and behavior. These principles reflect who you are and who you want to be and will guide you for the rest of your life. You will primarily be ready for anything life throws at you.

Lastly, live by these principles. Once you have established your life principles, it’s important to live by them, don’t bind them for anyone or anything. Make a conscious effort to apply your principles to your daily life, decision-making, and interactions with others. Over time, your principles will become second nature, and you will be living in alignment with your values.

To illustrate, let me tell you how I came to these realizations. I was fortunate very early in life to have met an aunt of mine. She explained to me very early that in her line of business, things can go sought quite easily if you get too greedy because money will flow, and you can get in trouble sooner than you think. So, she had to learn quickly how to survive the many temptations of her line of business and still be able to live a decent life and sleep at night. She started by making a list of things she would say yes to and things she would say no to even when her life was on the line. She said this list helped her to sustain her tasks with pride when most of her colleagues dropped out, were sued, sent to jail, or had to seek other jobs. She later refers to this list as her box. I liked the term “box” so much that I kept it for myself.

I was fascinated by her story, and so I went on the journey to design a box for myself as well. I was a pre-teen, and this seemed like a fun activity at the time. Mind you, it was the most important exercise I’ve ever done. I started to identify very early what I despise, the companies I would like to keep, and acts that I would never stand by regardless of what I was to gain.

Another benefit I found later with setting these boundaries was that since the world is constantly changing, these boxes help me keep my values and my beliefs and stay in the world without losing myself.

If you have these boxes, there will be times when your best friend will hate you because you called them out on something and turned away and didn’t back them up for something they did and were expecting your support. However, later down the road, if the same situation presents itself and someone else behaves that way, and you pull out, your friend won’t be surprised because they will remember that they acted similarly once before and that you reacted just like you did today, and the friend will realize that you were not playing or being partial. In a nutshell, you will always be vindicated, regardless of the situation.

Nonetheless, if you embark on this journey, you will be tested dearly. There will be times when it will be tough to abide by these principles, but if you sustain them, you can live with yourself proudly.

One such example is the case of Johnson & Johnson (J&J) a well-known multinational corporation that operates in the healthcare industry, producing a range of products such as pharmaceuticals, medical devices, and health products. The company has long prided itself on its Credo, a set of guiding principles established in 1943 by former Chairman Robert Wood Johnson, which emphasizes putting the needs of its customers first, even ahead of shareholders. Mr. Johnson established this principle well before the company started making any profit. He promised himself that J&J would also put the consumers’ safety ahead of profit regardless of the loss.

And man, was J&J tested? One of the tests came with the famous Tylenol poisoning incident of 1982. Seven people in the Chicago area died after taking Extra Strength Tylenol capsules that had been laced with cyanide. J&J immediately recalled all Tylenol products from store shelves, offered replacement products, and worked with law enforcement to identify the source of the tampering. Although this incident cost the company over $100 million, it is widely regarded as an example of how J&J puts the safety and well-being of its customers above profits.

There have been other instances where J&J’s commitment to its Credo has been tested. For example, in 2010, the company faced a significant product recall due to quality control issues with some of its over-the-counter medicines, including Tylenol and Motrin. The recall, which affected millions of products and cost the company an estimated $900 million, was prompted by concerns that some of the products may have been contaminated with foreign particles. J&J’s decision to recall the products rather than take a chance on the safety of its customers again demonstrated its commitment to putting customers first, even at the cost of shareholder value.

You are probably thinking this is a company, so it is easy for them to set whatever principles, but guess what? Let me tell you that it is harder for companies since many people rely on their profits. As individuals, if you do this, you are just making your life easier. You will sleep better at night, and some may think that you are crazy. Others may even call you selfish, among many more names, but as your consistency demonstrates itself, they will come to understand you and you will live better with your decision and may even save you time because people will know in advance what you will say or think of any their actions.

By setting your life principles and living by them, you can ensure that you live a life that is true to who you are and what you believe in. It may take time and effort to establish and live by your principles, but the rewards of a fulfilling and meaningful life are well worth it.

It will become easier to communicate with society because you will have a track record of consistent actions, decisions, and behaviors. You will remove people who don’t align with your core principles automatically without ever needing to say a word.

Ultimately, you will be happy with yourself regardless of what others think of you. Remember to love yourself and stay true to your principles. “Do what must, come what may.”

Your Journey is not a Straight Line

HFJC Women’s Empowerment Conference February 2024

c1
c2
c3
c4
c5
c6
c7
c9
c10
Scroll to Top